Questionnaire Of Crap Comedian Inquiries That Need To Be Answered Once & Only Once In Every Career (Just To Get Them Out Of The Way)

As inspired by Lee & Herring & Antopolski & Davies & my own interviewing experience.

What’s your name?

Is that your real name?

If not: What is your real name?

Couldn’t you think of a better stage-name?

Where are you from?

What’s it like, being from there?

(If the above was answered with anything less than a sentence, please take the time to describe it anecdotally, at a reasonable paragraph-length.)

Was it shit? Come on, you can tell me.

Were you funny as a child?

What are you qualified for? Why aren’t you doing that now?

How did you get started? Did you die on your arse? Is it a painful memory? (Please give details.)

Please list previous onstage accomplishments, particularly proper theatre work, so as we can quiz you on why you turned to stand-up with the implication that at least acting is a real job.

Have you been on TV?

If so, please list.

If not, please explain yourself.

Who have you met/worked-with that is more famous & interesting than you? Tell us about them.

Who are your influences?

If you would like to be compared to any one of these people, please stipulate here, as it would make our job that much easier. Similarly, please stipulate the drug of your choice to be used to enable the comparison to be of the ‘like XXX on YYY’ variety.

Please check the following adjectives off against your act, where applicable:
Crude, Flailing, Observational, Offbeat, Peculiar, Puzzling, Schoolboy, Surreal, Wacky.

Aren’t you just doing this for attention?

Aren’t you just doing this to get laid?

Don’t you use humour as a defence mechanism?

Were you bullied at school? Were you a fat and unpopular child? Did one or more of your beloved family members die at an early age? Aren’t you over-compensating for some hideously scarring childhood incident?

Do you subscribe to the ‘tears of a clown’ notion?

Where do you get all your crazy ideas from?

N.B. It’s very hard to ask these questions in a knowing & ironic way.

Last revised: 19/08/01