Interview taken ( & edited ) from HermAphrodite #9.

One of Noel’s more cunning woodland-related plans ( involving smarmy lions

and a lot of Kit-Kat wrappers ) can be heard on the Midfield General track

‘Midfielding’, on his ‘Generalisation’ album ( Skint Records ). Finally…

Noel Fielding is a comedian with the hair of a 60’s girl. He’s won awards and everyfink. He’s also been in a film ( ‘Plunkett & MacLeane’ - as a ‘brothel gent’ ), on a record ( as yet unreleased by Skint’s Midfield General ), and is one half of the gloriously hammock-riddled surrealist comedy duo The Mighty Boosh. Sometimes he wears antlers. Right now however, following a triumphantly vole-related set at The Arc, he’s just very very tired. As he’s just come back from Australia. “The last three days before we came home we didn’t get any sleep because we went out. And I didn’t get any sleep on the plane. I’ve only had about eight hours sleep in the last four days.” Aaaw. Poor thing. Noel’s tired. I’m just piddled. And the other two comedians in the room - Karen Taylor and that Howard who went to cub-scouts with one of my friends - are that devilish combination of slightly bored, quite hungry, and mildly ( post-set ) hyper-active. Which is why this here interview reads more like a late-night conversation of the ilk soon to be brought to the Silver Screen by one of the Hip New Wave of post-Trainspotting directors. And also why, before questions can begin to be asked properly, we spend approximately eleven and a half minutes discussing what programme exactly it was that Noel saw Mr T on in the last few days. It was real, because Howard saw it too. And we aren’t progressing with the interview until we figure out what it was. So then. Not Seinfeld, Frasier, Star Trek, Roseanne, Friends, or Jerry Springer, this is established. Similarly, it was not Montel, Beverly Hills, Home And Away or The Gummi Bears. I think we might need some brain food if we’re going to get though this session. I tantalise the still-hungry Noel with the promise of my Jelly Tots.

Noel - “I’ve just had some Wine Gums...but I can never have enough sweets.”

I delve through my bag. And discover I also have Chewits with me.

Noel - “Oh wow - Chewits!”

Chewit distribution is instigated.

And once we get through those, the Jelly Tots are procured. Jelly Tots being a magical sweetstuff as a packet contains 16.7% of your RDA of Vitamin C. And because they ( very slowly, and in chop ‘n’ change installments ) teach you your alphabet. Karen is very impressed. Karen would also like to assure Noel that if he stops TRYING to remember what programme it was, it will just come to him.

Karen - “In a couple of hours, in the way home in the car, you’ll just yell...‘CHEERS’ !”

Well, he might do. But it wasn’t Cheers. And anyway, a couple of minutes after this, as we inexplicably discuss the foxiness of Des from Neighbours ( we don’t believe it, Karen does ), Noel realises what exactly the programme was. Finally.

Noel - “Oh I know what it was - that crap programme with Judd Nelson.”

Karen - “ ‘Suddenly Susan’.”

Noel - “Judd Nelson, what happened to him ?”

me - “Mmm - too many chins.”

Karen - “Too much beer, too many prostitutes.”

me - “And that gives you too many chins ?”

Karen - “Yes. Definitely.”

Okay.

But now we have that out of the way, the interview can begin. Although Noel has, by this point in the evening, wrapped himself under in his jacket as though it were a very small bedspread. Or picnic cloth.

me - “Anyway. Let’s start asking you questions.”

Noel - “Quick. Before I fall asleep.”

me - “Were you profoundly influenced by [ the David Hassellhoff vehicle ] Knightrider as a small child ?”

Noel ( grins ) - “Knightrider ? I did like Knightrider.”

But I’m the only one who can see its influence spreading into his comedic work.

Noel - “I liked the film. The same people tried to steal the car, and they threw a rubber brick at it, but it bounced off and hit them. I thought that was good.”

me - “You decided that rubber bricks were the future for comedy ?”

He giggles happily to himself.

Noel - “Rubber bricks... I like rubber bricks.”

He also likes mink. And otters. And shrews.

me - “Bringing woodland animals into comedy - do you feel that they need a voice ?”

Noel - “They’re not being represented.”

me - “And better woodland animals than any others ? Do you have a favourite ?”

Noel - “The common shrew. ( pause ) The Northern Root Vole is quite good too.”

me - “Within the species do you have a favourite sub-set ?”

Noel - “Not really. I like - what am I into at the moment ? ( he thinks about it ) I like Flying Foxes. They just fly around and hang on trees. You’re not supposed to touch them though because you get disease.”

me - “Are woodland animals funnier than any other animals ?”

Noel - “I think they’re pretty funny, yeah.”

I ask whether he varies the animals as to where he’s performing, if he brought in evil spiders and wallabes whilst in Australia. And am told no. He likes his shrews too much.

Noel - “I tried it in Montreal and it died on its arse. But I like English things. I think English animals and forests are really cool. I like English gardens. I like the idea of the squirrel. I like moths, because they’re so tatty. They’re just so English. Crap butterflies. I like crap animals. Mammals that are tiny and you never see them because they’re rubbish. If you see a documentary about them you just turn it over. If it’s about frogs you think ‘aaah noooo’, but if it’s about hyenas you watch it.”

So yes. Pointlessly crap animals, rather than wounded ones.

Noel - “British mammals. I’m bringing them back in.”

Public service broadcasting.

He likes wolves as well, though they’re not quite so crap, small, or English.

Noel - “Wolves. I like wolves. Now there aren’t any left in England. So I’m trying to bring them back.”

And then the logic train speeding on through the station...

me - “We’ve been watching a lot of ‘Due South’ recently, do you have any opinions on that ?”

Noel - “That bloke looks like Jack Dee.”

True. As is…

me - “My friend Chi likes the wolf better than the Mountie.”

Noel takes this information with courteous aplomb. And mild surprise.

Noel - “Is there a wolf in it ?”

me - “The wolf-dog, Diefenbacher.”

Noel - “Does he wear man’s clothes ?”

me - “Nooo. He’s deaf-mute though. And he’ll ransack any house looking for his Christmas presents.”

Noel - “A deaf-mute wolf ?”

‘Due South’ is INSPIRED programming.

And from one televisually inspired runaway-train-of-thought to another...

me - “Also, we’ve been having a debate this evening - this isn’t really a part of the interview but it’s a good question - Tom Selleck; with or without the moustache.”

Noel - “Urrrr, he looks HORRIBLE without the moustache.”

me - “Exactly.”

Noel - “He looks wrong without it.”

And as Noel’s vote was the tie-breaker for the house, it’s now official.

me - “Thankyou.”

Noel - “Oh, that’s alright. Is that it ?”

me - “Ooooh no, there’s loads more questions.”

Naturally. Look, here comes another one;

me – “You’ve said that you would want to be a kooky Englishman with some fish ‘bobbing along’ beside you in a new Disney film, as a Dick Van Dyke for the new Millennium. Were you piddled when you said that?”

Noel - “I said I wanted to be Dick Van Dyke?”

Oh yes.

Noel - “Did I?”

Oh yes.

Noel - “I don’t know why I said that - I was showing off.”

me - “Showing off your knowledge of Disney characters? With him?”

Noel - “I would like to be in a Disney film with cartoon animals.”

me - “So would you like to be a cartoon like in ‘The Water Babies’, or just in an actual Disney film?”

Noel - “I think I should be in a film called ‘Space Shrews’. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it’ll be a musical.”

me - “With a lot of silver and moon-cheese?”

Noel - “No, the ship will be built out of my own hair.”

Better his own hair than moon-cheese, apparently.

>>> Part 2

Last revised: 26/07/01