Interview taken from HermAphrodite #9.

And from there, talk somehow gets on to forthcoming attractions for this New Year, other New Years past, and home-traditions for the festivities. Somehow...

Nikolaj - “In Denmark you go out in the middle of the street at twelve o’clock, and send off whatever you’ve got to send off.”

Peter - “Tommas actually lit fireworks three years ago, for New Year celebrations, in London. Because that’s what he’s been brought up with in Denmark. And he got arrested.”

Nikolaj - “That was a good New Year.”

Moving on then. Shall we?

Now. As I have an album sampler offa their nice PrPr-sweeties, I know the words to four of the new songs they are playing live, and can ask the band questions about them. For your reading pleasure...

me - “The beginning of ‘Rented’ sounds like a bit of a clattering chase scene in a film, like your running down stairs...”

Nikolaj - “Does it? Excellent.”

me - “Do you have films in your head when you’re writing ?”

Peter - “Yeah.”

Details please.

Peter - “It’s that the lyrics weren’t finished, so the three other members of the band and the management were chasing me around the studio with a piece of paper...”

Okay.

I ask if that’s where some of the startled imagery in the songs comes from - he’s made to just sing something ( anything ) over the music they have, and that’s what comes out. And no. Everything seems to be there for a reason. It’s just usually only truly discernable to Peter himself.

Peter - “I do put a great deal of effort into making things understandable. The first album was a stream of consciousness - this one was a lot harder to write, lyrically. To try and make sense is a very difficult thing. You want to see the first draft of everything.”

Sir George - “Yeah, you can’t make head nor tail of them.”

Peter - “It’s like a political speech.”

me - “So do you understand what he’s singing about?”

Sir George - “Yeah. Much more now.”

Peter - “Now that I’m singing in English and all.”

( Grin. ) And then onto...

me - “Your ‘Man of the Year’ had me doing Mick Jagger style hand-claps - was that intentional ?”

Peter - “Yeah.”

me - “Do YOU find yourselves doing that while listening to it ?”

Peter - “We did while recording.”

Sir George - “Hand-claps are definitely the way forward.”

me - “But it has to be in a strange pouty hips out kind of way...”

Sir George - “Oh that’s fine.”

Tommas - “We like that...”

Peter - “Butt sticking out...”

The whole works. Oh yes.

me - “And very tight trousers.”

Tommas - “With preferably one foot stuck on the monitor. Do you have one?”

me - “Well, no. Not at home.”

Tommas - “Then just take a bin or something.”

Peter - “We should actually do diagrams, shouldn’t we ?”

Sir George - “ ‘Swivel hips HERE’...”

Peter - “And ‘How To Build Your Own Monitor’”

For a purely Foot-Resting role in your listening life.

Though all this has inspired me somewhat...

me - “Would you want a dance/choreography thing going on ? Something like ‘Achey Breaky Heart’, but slightly more classy ?”

And with a bit less line-dancing.

Peter - “Yes, if Nikolaj was doing it.”

Tommas - “We do it in the rehearsal rooms but it never actually gets...”

Peter - “Shadows-esque.”

Tommas - “...onto the stage, does it ?”

They think about it for a moment.

Peter - “George does good Status Quo positions.”

George nods in agreement.

me - “But it’s not quite the same thing...”

I point out that if you, as an audience member, attempt to copy the swinging moves of one of Status Quo, but do not have a guitar in your hand, you simply seem to be miming the movements involved in hoeing. This is not the sort of dancing I had in mind.

Tommas ( to Peter ) - “I think it’s about time you invent your own dance. We’ve been waiting for so long now. ( he thinks about it ) You could start one when you go and work in the fields with your sheep...”

In his new country home. He’s going to have sheep ?

Peter - “I’ve got a horse !”

Sir George - “Get the horse dancing ! Animals dancing !”

A one-man Mary Poppins.

Peter - “And chickens. And hens.”

me - “You’re going back to nature ?”

Peter starts laughing. Though that might be because of George’s chicken noises.

Peter - “I’m just lonely. I’m so lonely I’m going to have a huge big zoo.”

me - “Chickens aren’t very nice though.”

Peter - “They taste nice.”

Fair point.

Peter - “I’m in a band with three chickens.”

Sir George - The headless variety.”

Oh. Okay. Can I change the subject to something which doesn’t leave me with deeply disturbing mental imagery now? Please? Why don’t we leave all those technical music-related questions, and just move into inanities. So. Then. Because I’m a fanzine & because I can, I ask the question: If You Were A Cartoon Character What Would You Be?

Peter ( no hesitation ) - “I’d like to be Kenny.”

Nikolaj - “What’s that guy called that eats spinach ?”

Sir George - “Popeye.”

Nikolaj - “I think that would be Peter.”

Peter - “I think I’ve got more of the build of Olive.”

Bless.

Last time we discussed this ( some years ago now ), Peter was nominated as being Daisy. Whom I thought was a cow. But Donald Duck thought was ( alright actually - boom! boom! ) his girlfriend. And Sir George decided he wanted to be either Huey, Dooey or Louie.

Peter - “You were one of Uncle Scrooges nephews? Why not Uncle Scrooge? He’s Uncle Scrooge and we’re his nephews.”

me - “The three inter-changeable ducks?”

Sir George - “And I’m a big duck? That’s not very nice.”

Unfortunately, he can’t currently think of a better person / thing to be. I ask Nikolaj.

Nikolaj - “I’m not sure... Somebody very intelligent like Bart Simpson.”

Peter - “Tommas would be that guy from, whatsitcalled, that Texas one.”

Nikolaj - “Lucky Luke ?”

Sir George - “No.”

Nikolaj - “Oh, I like Lucky Luke.”

Sir George - “We don’t have Lucky Luke over here.”

Peter - “D’you know the one I’m on about George?”

Sir George - “Yes.”

Peter - “Then what’s it called?”

me - “King Of The Hill?”

Peter - “Yeah! What’s the guy in that called?”

Nikolaj - “Fred Flintstone.”

No. Sorry sweetie.

Sir George - “Hank. The father.”

Peter - “Or Tommas would be that rabbi from that Simpsons episode, d’you remember ?”

Sir George - “That clown - Krusty - it’s his estranged father.”

Tommas seems quite happy with that.

And now that he’s remembered The Simpsons, George has decided who he wants to be.

Sir George -”Krusty The Clown!”

Alrightie then.

me - “And what about you ?”

Nikolaj - “I’m still not sure.”

Tommas - “I think you’d be Johnny Bravo.”

Peter - “Nikolaj would be Betty Boop.”

Nikolaj - “I like Betty.”

( Enough to be her ? )

me - “Black and white or colour ?”

Peter - “Black and white.”

Nikolaj - “I would say black and white as well.”

So that’s him sorted. Peter gets up to root behind his seat for his suitcase, but continues to join in with the conversation anyway. Just in a slightly muffled way.

Peter - “Tommas, with a nickname like Fast Tommy Arnby, couldn’t be anything else but, MEEP-MEEP !”

Tommas - “Ah, the roadrunner ! I think you’ll be Dexter then.”

Peter - “See, you’re mentioning all these new cartoons, I don’t know any of them.”

Tommas - “My girlfriend works at Cartoon Network so I know them ALL.”

Ah. Headstart there. And then onto...

Sir George - “Peter, your arse could answer questions if you want...”

He’s now standing on the seat next to me, straining to recover his suitcase.

Peter - “It talks more sense - it’s more interesting than what I’ve got to say. Most of the time.”

And from that dazzling conversation piece & that dazzling question, to another...

me - “If your music was a chocolate bar, what would you be ?”

Peter - “Ah-ha-ha..”

Nikolaj - “Ooooh.”

Well that doesn’t help me.

Nikolaj - “Soft on the outside...”

Peter - “...hard on the inside ?”

What, like an armadillo ?

Peter - “Well, you’d be a Dime Bar then.”

Not an armadillo at all then. The anti-armadillo of rock ‘n’ roll.

Nikolaj - “But there would be a little bit of crust in the middle layer.”

Peter - “Ah, well then you’d be a Boost. ( pause ) Or a Topic.”

Nikolaj - “I would say Lion Bar actually.”

Peter - “Or a Picnic.”

Sir George - “Plenty to chew on...”

Oh, that’s good, that’s very good.

Peter - “Wouldn’t you say Nikolaj’s a Chomp?”

Nikolaj - “You said the band, didn’t you?”

me - “Yeah, but you can be individual chocolate bars if you want.”

Nikolaj - “I want to be a Lion Bar then.”

I think he needs more of a mane for that.

Nikolaj - “A Lion Bar or a Red Bounty.”

Peter - “I think I would have to be a hand-made fresh cream Belgian Chocolate. Of the finest variety.”

me - “Ponce.”

Tommas - “I think we’ll be a Twix, because there’s a little bit of split personality going on.”

Sir George - “I think we could be a Flake...”

The band start laughing in agreement.

Sir George - “...They look tempting, and they could be good, but when you open it up, it’s a fucking bugger to eat. But it does taste good, even when it cracks up.”

Tommas - “I don’t like them. They taste sour.”

Sir George - “Flakes ? You must have had some bad ones.”

Peter - “I think Tommas would be something that’s soft all the way through.”

Tommas - “Don’t be so concerned with what I would be, think about what you would be.”

Peter ( happily ) - “I’m a Champagne Truffle.”

Ponce.

Nikolaj - “I think you are one of those Own-Brand Sainsburys Economy Chocolate Bar.”

Sir George - “A chocolate-flavour chocolate-effect chocolate bar, with no chocolate in it at all.”

Nikolaj - “I think George would be a mint.”

Peter - “A YoYo !”

Nikolaj- “An After Eight. Or mint sticks. They’re skinny.”

Sir George - “But perfectly formed.”

Tommas - “We should really be a KitKat.”

Nikolaj - “Because there’s four of us.”

Tommas - “Have a break, have a KitKat.”

Sir George - “That’s a very good one Tommas.”

Peter - “Or Milky Way.”

Sir George - “Curly Wurly.”

me - “You can’t just name all chocolate in all the world, you’ve got to settle on one.”

And I don’t see the band as a mess of nougat or a ladder of fudge.

Tommas - “That’s how it is though, every time we have to make a decision. Can you imagine ? ‘So, you want red or black on the little logo on the sleeve ?’ Two weeks later: ‘What about purple with silver sparkles ?’.”

Sir George - “This is true.”

Tommas - “It is true.”

Sir George - “It’s not a joke.”

Evidently not.

Sir George - “Though I’m sure it’s the same in every band.”

Though they probably don’t get bogged down with Boost bars.

And then Shep appears. Steals Tommas, ostensibly for soundcheck purposes. And I ask the remaining three about toys to be used onstage. My attention is directed towards the dot-matrix boards bubble-wrapped behind my seat. They’re too small for the band’s liking, apparently. With horrid borders. I think they might miss their old neon sign.

Peter - “Only the U, the B and the S still work.”

Nikolaj - “It’ll go to the Subcircus Museum one day.”

Peter - “It’ll go to Sotheby’s and make about twenty pounds one day.”

It’s now been relegated to a cupboard somewhere. Though the band aren’t too happy with its’ replacement.

Peter - “As you can see we’re really excited to get them out of the bus.”

me - “You could get nine people with glowing letters on their t-shirts that make up your logo, and just have them stand in the right place on the back of the stage.”

Nikolaj - “But they wouldn’t come in bubble-wrap, would they?”

me - “No. So they wouldn’t be quite as much fun. But they could be more interesting conversation.”

Sir George - “And they COULD be bubble-wrapped.”

Peter - “We’ve been cellophane-wrapped.”

Sir George - “In the nude.”

Peter - “In Tommas’ living room.”

Not just for fun, though. All part of the working pop-star’s lifestyle, this.

Sir George - “For a photo-shoot. On the back of the first album.”

me - “Oh! I thought you were caught in a spider’s web.”

Sir George - “No - it’s cellophane.”

Peter - “A lot more erotic.”

Sir George - “If you’re naked.”

Peter - “We looked like white meat. We looked like we should have been hung up in a butcher’s shop.”

Nikolaj - “It was just the photographer had these really kinky ideas.”

Sir George - “She also took photographs of us naked in the baths as well.”

Nikolaj - “She was only photographing the face, but it was very important that we were naked.”

Peter - “If we were The Chilli Peppers, it might have looked better.”

Nikolaj - “Well, water can distort things a little bit.”

Peter - “I’m talking about the cellophane one...”

me - “So you’re not going down that path ?”

Nikolaj - “That bath ?”

Groan.

Sir George - “No.”

Nikolaj - “You never know. Right now we’re not.”

me - “But in a few weeks you might think ‘Cellophane In A Bath !’”

Nikolaj - “I would say bubble-wrap.”

me - “Bubble-wrap’s good.”

Sir George - “Bubble-wrap’s insulating. Because it’s bloody cold up here.”

Nikolaj - “And it sounds every time you move.”

He starts making little popping noises.

me - “You could make some good trousers out of that.”

Peter - “Bubble-wrap ?”

me - “Yes.”

Nikolaj continues making the noises.

Peter - “They’d be good to wash. You could just rinse them down with a hose.”

And then Sir George realises he’s hungry.

The band haven’t been fed yet. And it’s raining. So he doesn’t want to explore off up the road. The band have Nikolaj’s Emergency Almond Fingers to eat, but those are apparently, a Post-Gig foodstuff.

Peter - “Nikolaj sounds as if he’s got the bus’ midnight feast.”

Nikolaj - “That’s for later. After the gig, after the drive back to the hotel, under the duvet.”

He does a very good feeding-hamster impression.

Nikolaj - “With bubble-wrap in the other hand.”

He does a slightly worrying bubble-wrap impression.”

Sir George - “I’m getting worried now.”

Peter - “Thankfully I’m staying at my parents’ tonight.”

And Nikolaj leaves the bubble-wrap fixation in the back of the bus when we leave. Knowing more about the chocolate & toon fixations of the band than you’d have ever thought possible. Bless.

Last revised: 26/07/01