Interview taken ( & edited ) from HermAphrodite #7.

GO TO: Roxette w/ VD GO TO: The Hair GO TO: Onstage Antics

There's now four of them. Contrary to opinion, only one is female. They make extravagant use of hair-dye, and have an ingenuity worthy of Blue Peter when it comes to customisation. They like Girlz. 'Glam' isn't a dirty word to use around them. They know that the best things in life are free. They can talk at length on the merits of Joan Jett & Vanilla Ice. The Independent described their 'look' as being one of 'corpses with lipstick'. Adam Ant can be counted amongst their fans. They are gloriously knowledgeable. And they're named after the coolest girl in the lead singer's hometown.

"He was a black-eyed whore... with an arsehole like a frontdoor."

Ever since the 1996 Simon Price bubbling enthusiasm article on a glorious new troop of candy-haired Welsh pop-tarts, I've been adoringly collecting singles and eagerly awaiting their debut Northern gig. Three years later, Rachel Stamp reschedule their Leeds date to clash with my, um, jet-setting lifestyle ( Canada with parents in uncle's flat ), and so the first time I see them is in Doncaster, where I leave without the promised interview, my jumper & umbrella & reading matter, but with a fantastic array of bruises from my spectacular (-ly painful if you're dancing ) shoes. Which I decided then and there that the band were unworthy of.

A couple of weeks later, we have a newly scheduled interview, and myself & Claire are waiting outside the currently-undergoing-refurbishments London pub we're supposed to be meeting them in. And just when I've decided them to be unworthy of today's spangly boots as well, Robin arrives. Late.

It takes an hour and a half after this to actually start the interview ( we have to find David, an off-licence, and a suitable place to talk, none of which is as easy as it should be ). But eventually we're all nicely sprawled out in Soho Square park, adding a splash of colour to the place. We being without Will - Rachel Stamp’s guitarist - but with Robin’s flatmate, James. And Soho Square being, ooh, a minute from where we met outside the pub. But it’s taken us an hour and a half to wander around London to get back here. So then. My first question.

me - "Could you organise a piss-up in a brewery ?"

Robin - "Well I could."

David - "Well no, because you're not supposed to drink at work."

It doesn't have to be your own brewery. But yes. There probably are rules about that sort of thing.

David - "Because you'd fall into the vats. And it wouldn't be a very sensible thing."

Robin - "Rachel Stamp only party in breweries, because of course then it's free."

Liggers 'n' swiggers, the lot of 'em.

me - "So is that a yes ?"

David - "It's a maybe."

Robin - "It's a definite maybe."

He's fairly confident in his 'piss-up-in-a-park' skills though. As am I. David however does not have need of my 'mostly coke', as he has Dr. Pepper.

David - "It's fantastic, it's the drink of champions."

Even though it tastes horrible, he will not be dissuaded.

Robin - "I'm a Pepsi man meself. Support the under-dog and all that..."

me - "They're not that much of an under-dog."

Being a multi-million pound global corporation with massive sponsorship deals plastering its inescapable logo across the world.

Robin - "Well yeah, but even so..."

And we move on to the next question.

me - " 'Roxette with V.D.' Why ?"

As a soundalike soundbite, that takes some matching.

Robin - " 'Roxette with V.D.' ? That's obviously Will."

David - "When we started there was only me and Will, and we thought it was a good way to get people to take notice. Which they did."

Robin - "Will liked Roxette, David had V.D."

Bless.

me - "So it's not that you want hair Like That ?"

David - "No. But we're into their music quite a lot."

Robin- "Yeah ! And we play music that Roxette would do, if they had V.D."

me - "So like you're Swedish and in pain and want to get offstage to go to the doctor's ?"

Robin - "Quite possibly."

Okay then.

Robin - "There have been other analogies... What was the other one ? Turi Satana shagging Vanessa Paradis ? We like that one."

And they've done Little Richard Meets Steven Hawking. Which you can analyse to pieces, if you're that way inclined. Peculiarly-voiced rock'n'roll tarts heading off into the future with all the universe's answers. I like that one. So does David.

David - "When we're asked to describe our music we just pick two people that we like."

Robin - "And don't describe ourselves at all, just a black and a white."

So if you like the idea of Roxette with V.D...

( Go and get some therapy, you twisted foole ! )

Conversation turns. David hands around his Galaxy bar. Leaves out Robin. Goes back to him. And isn't left with much.

I notice the patch on Robin's trousers. Right around the crotch they are. Tasty.

me - "Why have you got a patch there ?"

Robin - "Because if I took this off, my armadillo would escape."

Literally ? Figuratively ? I didn't really want to press further. David did.

David - "You wore them through ?"

Robin - "No. It actually split when I did one of those David Lee Roth scissor-kicks over the drum-kit on one particularly incensed night. And Will gave me this patch because he basically thought it was crap, but it's the only patch I've got. So now I have 'Lounge Halls Nelson' [ no, me neither ] written across my crotch."

Okay then. I'm dropping that subject now. I ask David why he sometimes sings in French, and am told it's more a Vanessa Paradis thing than it is Debbie Harry affectation. They're going to redo 'I Like Girlz' in French. With the help of Shaheena, their new keyboard player. Who can apparently only speak French.

Robin - "Oh she can't speak anyfin else..."

David - "Except French, that's it..."

me - "So how do you converse with her ?"

David - "It's quite difficult."

So she has some little signs for when they're out on tour and the like.

David - "She has one with BEER on, and CHIPS on another."

Robin - "We've only allowed her two cards, for the moment. And we haven't given her a card that says I'M SICK OF FUCKING BEER AND CHIPS."

Sweeties.

Robin - "Anyway, it minimises arguments. There are none."

And she is as permanent to the band as you can get. Which is nice. As their previous keyboard players don't seem to play with them for very long.

David - "None of the others have been permanent because they've all been in other bands."

He lists them. There's a fair few. Probably nice to have a little stability in the line-up. And a girl. So then. Were her keyboard talents the only reason she got the job ?

me - "Do you have a hair policy ?"

Robin - "A what ?"

me - "A hair policy. You can only be in the band if you have groovy hair..."

David - "No. You just have to look at our previous line-ups, and see that they haven't had particularly good haircuts."

Though that said...

Robin - "I got hired on the strength of my hair."

Really ?

Robin - "When they realised it was my own, they asked me to join."

I mourn the dearth of good hair in rock. And the continued appearance of the mullet. And the poodle-perm. Which reminds Robin...

Robin - "I actually did have..."

David ( horrified ) - "A perm?!"

Robin - "No, it was more like a demi-perm..."

me - "So only half your hair was straight, the rest was frizzy ?"

Robin - "No. And it wasn't like a full-on Afro or curly-locks anything, I just wanted to have low-maintenance hair. Which of course is completely impossible, it turned out to be the most high-maintenance barnet thing. ( he grins ) I just wanted to look like Jon Bon Jovi."

Yikes.

For all you reading at home, none of the band look like they're trapped in an Eighties time-warp. Praise the lud. They're far more exciting than that.

So then. Rachel Stamp. Are they the band that they themselves always wanted to listen to and watch? Hmm ?

me - "Would you like to go see yourselves ?"

Robin - "Shyeah."

me - "Would you jump up and down ?"

Robin - "I'd be laughing."

me - "Would you throw things ?"

Robin - "I'd definitely throw things. 'Who's that twat on the drumkit, what does he think he's doing? No-one's looking at him anyway.' "

David seems to agree with this.

David - "Yeah, I'd go and bottle Robin."

Though Robin gets splattered by David anyway, even if he's not in the audience having split himself in two...

Robin - "When it's a good gig David gets excited, jumps up and down and phlegms at me."

David ( happily ) - "Yeah."

Aaw.

Robin - "But I actually like it. And what I do, he doesn't realise, I gob on his bass when he's not looking."

He doesn't notice. There doesn't seem to be that much onstsage rivalry.

Despite Robin having a far more fantastic-looking instrument ( don't laugh Judas, it's obvious what I meant... ).

me ( to David ) - "Don't you want a load of spangly faery lights ?"

David - "Um, I don't know really. I've never thought about it."

me - "Think about it."

He thinks.

me - "Are you above faery lights ?"

David - "I'm not above them, I just...don't understand them."

He's happy without. Robin loves his to pieces though. Robin loves his in pieces too.

Robin - "Mine got nicked! On the first day of our tour! And I went up to the girl who pulled them off - they actually broke alarmingly easily - and 'you fucked my Christmas lights up'. They're my mums, you know? And she went 'no I didn't'. I said ' yes you did, it was you! You're holding them!'"

She gave them back. And he 'kind of fixed them'. Which meant they blew up onstage in Doncaster. I was there. I was pissed. I didn't notice. The band did.

David - "I thought I was on fire."

Robin - "I thought it was something like that. And then I realised half-way through a song that my faery lights were no longer with us..."

David - "They were no longer part of the rock 'n' roll universe..."

Robin - "They'd fused themselves to my feather boa..."

He's been given some new ones now.

Robin - "They're clear. But they're just as groovy."

Which is reassuring. So the aesthetic harmonics of the drumkit are not disturbed. And all that.

I explain how one of my ultimate goals is to figure out a way to wear faery lights. ( Without carrying around a huge battery pack. ) Robin seems just as excited by the idea. David has already seen it.

David - "A band called The Zeros who used to wear costumes with faery lights built in to them."

Robin - "That's SO COOL. I think I'll just actually just wear the faery lights

me ( unhappily ) - "Yeah but you can't do it without standing next to a plug socket."

David - "That's the thing; you need an extension lead. Or at least a good sized battery."

Both of which are rather troublesome. And heavy. Though...

David - "You could hide the batteries in the sole of your shoes!"

Cool. ( Someone, please make it happen for me! )

And then moving on...

David - "My legs have gone to sleep."

So've mine. To, um, celebrate (yup, these folks’d be giddy over the ‘opening of an envelope’) Robin opens an enthusiastically friendly can of Miller. The dictaphone has a narrow escape. Ahem.

>>> Part 2

Last revised: 26/07/01